Goodbye Mr. Bat

The story just had a happy ending.

If you are reading this Mr. Bat please know how grateful I am that neither of us got hurt at all. Actually, it was really nice meeting you and I pray you find lots of bugs to eat tonight back out in the great outdoors.

wud? whaa? what???

 I woke up little by little sometime just before four this morning.

I think I was dreaming I was in the barn and was afraid of a barn swallow. I was asking myself, "why are you feeling fear, it is just a barn swallow?"

as seconds went by I realized I was now awake listening to an odd sound

... I realized it was here in my room

... I realized it was loud and HAD to be wings flapping, definitely not an insect

... I began to be able to track the sound in the dark, it was traveling across the room in a blink, sometimes hitting the wall, but mostly not. When it got close to the wall the wing speed picked up. I could not remember a bird being able to avoid walls, particularly in a pitch black room.

Spit

When I was way younger, I lived in a row home, one that was very small. I did not know anything else, so I thought this was how everyone lived, except in books.

My neighborhood was filled with other homes of the same size. A short two block walk would take you passed dozens of other families. Things were different back then; all the families knew each other by name.

The stores were different too. Twas not until I was somewhat older that a 'supermarket' opened about two blocks away. So there were many, many stores instead. There was a grocery store less than half a block from my house. The owners lived above it. Two blocks over was the business district, about a mile of stores on the same street. Each store was not much bigger than my home as they were just converted row houses.

Each product you needed came from a different store. The butcher; the poultry store; shoe stores; clothing stores; five and dime stores; a vegetable store; the fish store; etc.

There was a candy shop somewhere in there. I was rarely in that store. Any candy I ever ate came from Bill's, the grocery store on my own street. I often/ always went with my mom to the business district and what made the candy store memorable was the large drum that sat outside it on the pavement in front of the store's glass display window. It was shaped like the detachable drum of the pencil sharpeners of the time. only about ten times my size.

The purpose of the drum makes it memorable for a different reason. It was used for roasting seeds. We called them Polly seeds, you know them as Sunflower seeds. When they were cooking the entire neighborhood smelled delicious. Many times my brother or sister would bring some home and I got to share. They must of only bought them warm somehow, because that is what I remember most.


When I was young, my son, Shane played little league. I will not go into how incredibly great he was, both all around and as a pitcher. You will think I am just another proud dad bragging anyway.

I saw most of his games.

There was a point when he and his teammates began eating Sunflower seeds. The professionals must have noticed this because suddenly major league ball players started copying them.


More recently, I decided to buy some Sunflower seeds at Walmart. Strangely, Walmart only had two brand, both in huge pound bags. They did not have any of the exotic flavors either.

I thought a pound was a lot. I was wrong.

The first ones I bought were a brand called David's. Their slogan is "Eat, Spit; Be Happy". To which I now say amen!

There is a place you go while consuming these things. A meditative trance. Thankfully, these little kernels are good for you because you cannot stop eating them once you start.

Walmart was frequently OUT OF STOCK. This feels like being out of heroin or something. Being now addicted I think I understood WHY they were often sold out. Other addicts were buying ALL of them just in case.

There is a bright side to this nightmare. I was at the store two weeks ago and Walmart was only out of David's. So I bought the other brand, called Spitz.

The purpose of this rambling post is to recommend Spitz to anyone and everyone.

Buy some Spitz, I promise you will not regret it, except for the addition part and the possible lack of supply making you quite sad some days.

Spitz has only three ingredients; Sunflower seeds, salt and OLIVE OIL!!!

'Nuff said.


Love someone well today,

Bobby

Security

Once upon a time, I was taking many tests designed to expose my character; each designed to reveal a facet of who I am.

One test was about the strengths and weaknesses of daily life for me. What I remember is that I scored well in everything except security of my environment.

For nearly the last three years I have lived in a different environment, one that as a whole is very secure. Having spent the better part of five decades needing to be hyper aware of hazards and dangers from scores of people and threats on a daily basis. I awake every day feeling happy and thankful. I am surrounded by peace. If I desired chaos I would have to travel very far.

Yet...

in the midst of peace there is still trouble. That trouble is me. While I am certainly more relaxed, it is something that does not come naturally. I find that I carry with me unwelcome anxiety. If is as if I once learned a certain dance and find myself involuntarily using those steps.

Plus, I am not easy to get along with, nor understand. Try as I might, I do things wrong sometimes. The layers of my mental defenses are designed to keep me out. It is a struggle to just become aware of the problem(s) that prevent me from loving others well.

In the midst of idyllic surrounds, there is still me to deal with.

Thank God for Kim. While I think she asks way too many questions, those questions often lead me back to self reflection. She has ever been a part of my growth. Every one should have a Kim.

It seems as if life has always blessed me. God has taken care of me and provided. Kim is certainly part of the current process. O, for a thousand tongues to sing...

... the thankfulness I feel.

Yet...

somehow I am perceived as never expressing gratitude. This is laziness on my part. I assume God knows how I feel about Him and His grace towards me. This failing is even worse in my relationships with people.

So, thank you Kim. This small testimony of your value is not nearly enough. But please accept it. I can only hope that it is a starting point; that I will not quickly forget and get distracted as I so often do.

Love, once created, never goes away.


Love someone well today,

Bobby

Then I Get on My Knees and pray... We Won't Be Fooled Again!

Okay... (sharpening metaphorical pencil)

Just now, politicians can no longer support SOPA because we have spoken loud and clear against it. (high five!)

HOWEVER!

[waits for cheering to quiet] However, money talks as they say and the creators and supporters of the bill have money. More importantly they still have desire. We must ask ourselves, what it truly is that they desire. "Piracy" was just a buzz word.

SOPA is also just a word representing a bill, a static event.

We can be absolutely certain that the powers that supported the creation of SOPA with money, time and cronyism in politics COULD CARE LESS THAT WE ROSE UP AND WERE HEARD!!! 

They have not gone away beaten. They have not thrown up their hands in defeat!

PLEASE hear what I am saying. More importantly, understand it. May God grant me words that are true, understandable and motivating. I feel humbled by the importance of what is at stake.

There is zero chance that there is not a back up plan to SOPA. Only SOPA has been taken from them, not the will to accomplish their goal. If I were the enemy, I would begin passing smaller chunks of the same type of legislation, piece by piece. Time is on their side as they have one target, the Internet. They have only to destroy it once; there is no second chance for us.

THEY crave this destruction- they have politicians in their pockets already is evidenced by how close they almost came this time to not just stopping progress online; not just removing the value it has added to my life, your life and world; not just bringing unwanted destruction to what exists, BUT INSURING THAT OUR CHILDREN NEVER KNOW HOW GREAT THE INTERNET IS, CAN BE, ETC.

They crave darkness.

Why? 

I do not know the details but am sure of this- their future intent is evil.

They need  the sharing of knowledge and opinions to cease. Because of this the Internet is especially heinous to them. This is the place where knowledge is EASY to OBTAIN and VERIFY.

Knowledge being AVAILABLE TO ALL with no restriction is called FREEDOM! Such sharing is vital to a life of liberty and happiness. The Internet takes the pursuit of truth to levels that have never before in history been attainable. No one can control information while the internet exist as the ultimate trump card.

"Piracy"??? It is to laugh. They tried to hoist that flag. The trade off was stopping piracy by KILLING THE MEDIUM OF TRUTH. Even those who have been harmed by piracy did not salute.

Not exactly equal. Hence it is evident that lessening piracy was not the true goal. Beside which stopping piracy with legislation is akin to Prohibition or the War on Drugs- Failure on steroids- Pandora's box being opened.

Which leads one to speculate what is the real intent??? (note that I did not say 'was') This must be clearly understood for us to win. I honestly do not understand and that is dangerous weapon they still own. I do not even quite know who 'they' are. Shame on me, shame on us, look what nearly resulted. Remember that the game has just begun.

High fives are appropriate just now. Politicians are distancing themselves from this legislation and that is a positive occurrence.

But...

Let each resounding smacking of flesh (the high fives, not the movie), be a reminder that one battle does not win a war.

That said, it is comforting to know that we still have the Internet available in all it raw and powerful beauty to use to fight this fight together!

God Bless.

Love someone well today!

Bobby

When Godliness is Really Neurosis

When Godliness is Really Neurosis...

run with it to the nearest eternal bank.

Sponges

S'prolly been a long, long time (if ever) since you read the purposes (plural) of this blog. The list is found under the title of the blog, Baby Beetle Butts.

One is 'cleaning as a religion'. There actually is such a thing. I saw it in Mother Earth news, so it has to be true! They have gift subscriptions for $10 a year, just saying.

I have a very, very specific topic for today's rambling but readable article. This topic has been burning to be written about for months now. At last all the data is accumulated; I have done my due diligence and the results have been carved in stone (out in the back yard).

Here goes...

My kitchen sink sponge has two parts, the second being a stiff plastic weave that is safe for scraping non stick surfaces on cookware.

[You can run away now, don't say I did not warn you!]

That scrubber was costing us money in the form of trashing and replacing sponges much too fast.

My brain wanted to know why.

Now I know, not just in the theoretical sense.

Number one, if you use it to scrap stuck on cheese, you are screwed.

Stuck on cheese needs to be rubbed and rubbed with the SPONGE SIDE ONLY!

[I told you to run, it may be too late now.]

Once cheese is stuck in the scrapping side, it is just a matter of time. It is hard to get any out of there. Impossible to get all of it. The smell will become quite noticeable in a day or two.

Eggs are a separate issue. COLD WATER ONLY. Use the sponge side ONLY, unless, of course you love spending extra time cleaning it all back out of the WRONG SIDE OF THE SPONGE.

Then, of course there is the matter of hydration, more to the point re-hydration. In layman's terms (the cleaning atheists amongst you) (convert NOW!!!), dry, stuck food is easier to clean if you soak the item for a while or overnight before washing. This is very important if you have a cheese project. Ps- if soaking fails, try dehydration instead. Stuff that is really stuck will shrink. For example, a cookie sheet with a burned little bump may just wash off. If not, soak it, it should then wash right off. If not, stop scrubbing and let it dry. This will require patience, check it once in a while. When fully dry it should practically fall off. If you are in a hurry, perhaps need to use it again, put it is a low temp oven for just a bit and then let it cool. If it comes to it, scrape it off with a heavy wooden cooking tool. Do not use metal.

[I think you underestimated how fast you should RUN]

Where was I? Oh yeah...

Finally, the MAJOR CAUSE OF SMELLY SPONGE REVELED!

There is one super special secret- Always put your sponge down with the scrapper side facing DOWN. This is counter intuitive. [no, I am not carrying you out of here, you should have run while you had the chance]

There is moisture on the sponge. Personally, I have hands that are stronger than weaker and have always squeeeeeezed my sponge when I was done. Did not, does not help- at all. By not helpful I mean that squeezing will not, can not prevent the SMELLY SPONGE SYNDROME.

Instead, the moisture must be allowed to drain down towards the scrapper, not down into the sponge part.

So simple.

Do this religiously and you will never have to buy another sponge. Um, perhaps this is not technically the case. Hint, disinfect your sponge once in a while, not by putting it in the dishwasher. Just spray it with some form of Lysol or soak in some bleach solution. Best yet, spray with some vinegar.

[Still with me?] [Why do I hear crickets?]

Keep your sponge the correct way up, sponge up, scrapper down. Make gravity and the physical properties of water (two incredible and FREE tools) work for you rather than against you!

Do this religiously!!! (convert now, now, now... )

Believe your sponge can last forever and it will. This could possible save you millions of dollars a year, depends on how much you use your sponge.

At minimum, your life will be much happier, you may even dance.

It happened to me.

I have been smelly sponge free for 30 days now.

My name is Bobby.


Love someone well today.

Bobby

Just for Today

It is early yet. There is a while to go until midnight/ Monday.

Francis of Assisi and his friends took only what they could carry on their back and LIVED THAT WAY. Each new day was a new adventure.

Walden's Pond writer and Revolutionary era patriot, Henry Thoreau believed it was not those that left behind big structures (for us to find centuries or millennium later), rather those who left no sign of having existed, that had TRULY LIVED.

His point being that life is about thinking, having time to think and enjoy life. To do this you must think of physical necessities as being nearly free to obtain. Also that every necessity is related to heat energy. For example, food is measured in calories, yes?

Thoreau said he was surprised how addicting growing beans became. He estimated he was up to nine miles of planted rows. He also said that by his calculations the BEST thing to grow was barley rather than wheat or corn.

Barley is DELICIOUS by the way, and as easy to prepare as boiling water. When is the last time you had some? Could you find it at the market where you shop? When you finally do find it; you will be astounded by the small amount of shelf space it is allotted.

Francis?

He said this...

Prayed these words...

Documented his prayer...

Thank God, because they are GREAT.

Make Me an Instrument of Your Peace

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love,
Where there is injury, pardon
Where there is doubt, faith,
Where there is despair, hope,
Where there is darkness, light,
Where there is sadness, joy.
O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much
seek to be consoled as to console,
not so much to be understood as to understand,
not so much to be loved, as to love;
for it is in giving that we receive,
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
it is in dying that we awake to eternal life.

Brain Damage

[I was a drop down drunk, but only briefly.

Thankfully, because of the brevity, I do not live with many of the harmful and permanent affects that typical sober people suffer from. I had a full health physical just after becoming sober. The doctor seemed pleasantly surprised that testing showed no liver damage.

The only exception that I am aware of is a diminished instant memory. This was explained to me by the same psychologist who prescribed Seroquel for my inability to normally recover from anxiety. Little things would keep me in a fetal position for hours and hours. That condition slowly improved, my missing immediate memory has not yet returned.

This is NOT the same as short term memory loss. In fact, (this is a strange phenomenon that happens to me) if I wait a bit, sometimes a memory will come back (I suppose as it crosses into short term). Sort of like a scrolling news ticker, info scrolls by and is immediately gone, but when you wait a bit and the data returns.]


Speaking of memory weakness---

Picture me developing a strategy for a work project. Our minds have the capacity to scribble notes, just like doing it on paper with a pencil or pen.

While these imaginary paper notes (for most people) are permanent and easily referred to as needed, my gray matter medium is much more like a chalkboard.

I will scribble notes on my mental chalkboard until I arrive at an reasonable understanding of the task. I am working backwards from the ultimate goal until I reach the most efficient method in a reverse linear format. This is good engineering.

Then, the most vital part becomes how it would be best to start the project. This last piece becomes the first step. Again, good engineering.

A simple example, clearing a particular space in a certain area because I will need it for materials or tools. One thing I might put on the chalkboard is all the characteristics of what is currently in the area and options on places they could best be moved to. That task would be one of many that comprise a subset of goals that are achievable first and achievable now (assuming I am starting now).

So far I am performing like many others. Nothing notable, but then...

My chalk board keeps only that portion (last thought, first action) of the whole- the smaller, achievable set of starting tasks along the road to the bigger goal. All the thoughts (mental notations) that went into arriving at understanding why this is so somehow and for some reason has been lost to my mind. Maybe I am crawling across it as I notate? There is just nothing left. Of course, I have the ability to recreate the same thing over again, but that is not the same as simply checking the notes I have already mentally written.

Remember the normal metaphor? When thoughts are on paper it is easy to examine HOW and WHY you have started where you have started. All I have is a bunch of mangled chalk dust!

Not for me! If asked why I am doing something, I draw a complete blank. Worse yet, since I am not adverse to answering the questioner, I become like a circular code spinning in place. There is no answer to the question in my mind. It was there once upon a time. I become frustrated thinking whether it is important to regenerate all that data from zero. I did the calculations, did my due diligence (double and triple checking the thoughts/ work) and am quite sure that there are REALLY GOOD REASONS for what I am doing just now.

Only...

I have no idea what they are any longer.

An interesting metaphor that follows is that sometimes there are interruptions.

Generally, I emotionally desire to get back to what I was last doing.

The chalkboard in my head is still clear for me to read (just the next steps remember).

The message on it is vulnerable.

After too long there will be another chalkboard with another message.

They seem to get stacked in a pile in my head. The lower in the stack a board is, the more likely the message has degraded. Eventually, what is there is undecipherable.

All in all, this condition presents a challenge to me. It can be fun, like doing a puzzle. For others that deal with me, meh, not so much.

One great advantage is that it is additional motivation to stay honest and true. If I always give my best effort, if I am always willing to do things the 'good' way, then I feel free. I do not have to rely on my memory at all. The calculating of my brain was done with good intent. It is like an anchor. Since I cannot explain why I am doing this or that, I is important to know that my intent is pure. What I am doing in spirit always has to be Right. So be it.

From this odd symptom generated by a weakness, I have accidentally found peace, at least of piece of the puzzle to build soulful peace. My days are productive. I take joy in helping others.


Love someone well today!

Bobby