Security

Once upon a time, I was taking many tests designed to expose my character; each designed to reveal a facet of who I am.

One test was about the strengths and weaknesses of daily life for me. What I remember is that I scored well in everything except security of my environment.

For nearly the last three years I have lived in a different environment, one that as a whole is very secure. Having spent the better part of five decades needing to be hyper aware of hazards and dangers from scores of people and threats on a daily basis. I awake every day feeling happy and thankful. I am surrounded by peace. If I desired chaos I would have to travel very far.

Yet...

in the midst of peace there is still trouble. That trouble is me. While I am certainly more relaxed, it is something that does not come naturally. I find that I carry with me unwelcome anxiety. If is as if I once learned a certain dance and find myself involuntarily using those steps.

Plus, I am not easy to get along with, nor understand. Try as I might, I do things wrong sometimes. The layers of my mental defenses are designed to keep me out. It is a struggle to just become aware of the problem(s) that prevent me from loving others well.

In the midst of idyllic surrounds, there is still me to deal with.

Thank God for Kim. While I think she asks way too many questions, those questions often lead me back to self reflection. She has ever been a part of my growth. Every one should have a Kim.

It seems as if life has always blessed me. God has taken care of me and provided. Kim is certainly part of the current process. O, for a thousand tongues to sing...

... the thankfulness I feel.

Yet...

somehow I am perceived as never expressing gratitude. This is laziness on my part. I assume God knows how I feel about Him and His grace towards me. This failing is even worse in my relationships with people.

So, thank you Kim. This small testimony of your value is not nearly enough. But please accept it. I can only hope that it is a starting point; that I will not quickly forget and get distracted as I so often do.

Love, once created, never goes away.


Love someone well today,

Bobby