Fly with the Eagles

Not the football team. Though they are the only sports team I care about.

The eagles in the sky. Onwards and Upwards. Perspective from above the mountain top. We can and we should have and use this ability. I suppose you could simply call it faith.


Faith that can move mountains. Faith that can remove obstacles and fling them into the sea. I believe in this with all my heart and soul and mind. Sure I get worried, but not for long. I suffer waiting for the inevitable move by God that is ever and always a blessed surprise.

Better than any Christ mas gift. That should not offend any gift giver. Those are super duper too, just can never be at the level of knowing Our Father is our Sheppard and He carries a REALLY BIG STICK.


Early bright blessings for a wonderful Christ mas.


Love someone well today,

Bobby

Up Early

Today I am up early for the first time in a long time.

I have been through a lot lately. Stopped taking Seroquel, for example. Was using a quarter of a quarter of a dose to facilitate sleep. The first couple nights my mind was racing.

For months I was using nicotine patches, quitting smoking was a failure this time around.

Have been highly emotional, mainly tears. Tears are good, they wash away the old and help you see the future.

When it comes, that is.

My PA driver's license is due to expire soon. Need a replacement for my SS card too.

I received a fifty dollar holiday bonus from my job. What is weird is that I hardly made more than that.

"How many angels can dance on the head of a pin?" Still do not know the answer. Will let you know as soon as I puzzle it out.

Thanks for playing.

Bobby

Inside Depression

Fear and anger, most would agree are negative emotions.

In fighting against depression lo these many years, I have had the chance to develop some data about this state of being. Besides being painful, depression is mysterious and puzzling.

Currently I am attempting once again to go without traditional antidepressant medication. For many months I was okay. That has happened before. There have also been times where I stopped the medication and quickly deteriorated.

These on again, off again experiences are what I am referring to as developing data.

I will not go into all the things I have discovered, just my latest finding.

As depression begins there is a noticeable change in the way I think. The difference is in quality. My mind while not depressed seems quicker and more powerful. I enjoy whatever I may be doing because I am enjoying how my mind is functioning. I am in the moment. I am planning and executing and producing. This can keep me amused for hours, days, weeks. It is fun to be me.

As depression begins, there seems to be a dullness in my thinking. I am not enjoying anything, just trying to get done. What I do does not seem to get done very well.

This makes sense.

What I have heard is that certain chemicals in the brain are necessary for proper brain function. The brain is made up of a vast number of nerves that are not physically connected. There needs to be a medium through which impulses can be sent from one nerve to another. In simple terms, the medium can be thought of as liquid. When there is sufficient or abundant fluid, the nerves can communicate well. Lacking enough liquid medium to function properly is the reason depression can happen. Antidepressants correct this condition of dryness.

What I have just recently noticed is that depression starts with an emotion very much like fear. There is also an element of anger as well.

I think that goes hand and hand with no longer enjoying thinking and planning and producing.

It causes fear because what was easy is now hard. Not just hard, but unavailable, gone. How I deal with life, what I do each day, who I am is GONE. This scares me. It also makes me angry. I want my mojo back!

The pain that accompanies depression seems to be composed entirely of fear and anger. These emotions are not tied to real life. Therein lies the mysterious nature of depression. It just does not make sense, nothing adds up.

I know I am not functioning properly. I am afraid and angry. Mystery solved?

I should mention that there is an alternative to antidepressants. It is supplement call 5HTP. It produces brain chemicals that help. There is reportedly a down side. This go round I am trying not to take it every day, only as needed. Up until recently that was working perfectly.

I am hoping my body will heal itself. Whatever causes my brain to dry up needs to go. Can it?

One other side note: in reading about different characters from history, so many have this same condition. When the person is from the far past, they simply become bed ridden for months at periods during their lives. Apparently, being able to think quickly, deeply and powerfully can cause major problems.


Love someone well today,

Bobby

The Need to Lie

Have you been there? Reality is about to smack you. The desire is so strong to change reality to a more friendly modality. Add a pinch of fear and the truth becomes something one must deny.

This is common.

Less common is creating reality. Perhaps you have seen someone do this- asking for money because they need transportation to a rehab. Later when I called the rehab, I was informed that I was scammed.

That happened to me long ago. Since then I have become a sober alcoholic. Part of that major change in pathway included living with and among many times many people with addictions to various types of drugs.

Story after story played out before my eyes. My mind was passionately engaged because of the miracle that had happened to me. The miracle was despite knowing that I was going to die extremely drunk, in an instant I became wrong about that fate.

Anyway, I would love to tell you all the heartwarming stories that I have witnessed in the community of recovering addicts. There have been some, almost all involve alcoholics or alcoholics who were cross addicted.

Meanwhile, there was another type of human I encountered. One that I did not know existed and possibly you will never see as I see them.

They actually ALWAYS lie. I believe this is to keep in practice. They tell stories about being in distress nearly continuously. They are looking for "help". The reality is that they want help to get something that they will not tell you about.

Another trait of these particular people is anger, or at least what appears to be anger. These emotional outbursts come in the form of personal attacks on anyone who dares to bring truth. I am pretty sure these episodes are not real, but are also practiced. This serves two purposes. It discourages truth being around them by creating uncomfortable feelings and fear. There is also the chance that in ranting alternate truth in the middle of their attacks, someone or everyone might actually believe the lies.

In the situations I was in, living with people with this syndrome, it was incredible to see the  beginning, middle and end of the stories. At first, I was so convinced by the liars that I argued for them with others. Finding out I was definitely wrong was staggering. Finding out I was wrong made me develop a much better bullshit detector.

Later, once I was back in less unbalanced environs, my detector still worked. Now I get to see how I once was, naive.

I also have a greater respect for truth itself. If everyone gave truth their best effort, we could not even scratch the surface of its wonder and beauty. That, of course, is not the world's way and it breaks my heart all the time.

Back to the first statement. We all are faced with realities that make us want to lie. It is normal for these white lies to occur. So normal that it is a common theme in stories. The theme normally start with someone dedicating themselves to ALWAYS TELLING THE TRUTH. Of course, situations develop that are bad. They are caused by telling the truth and get worse. Until, the dedicated one finally gives in and lies. Yay!!!

Um, there is a flaw in this theme.

You do not ALWAYS need to tell the truth. The simple alternative is to not TELL anything at all.

You could not possibly imagine the grief I receive for this position.

Try telling anyone that there is no NEED to answer a question just because one is asked.

Seriously, try it.

In fact, try to do it yourself, I dare ya!

I will warn you, it can be fun. You might want to do it again.

But, best of all, recognize that it gives you the ability to never lie again.


LOVE SOMEONE WELL TODAY,

Bobby

Friends

People seem to like me.

As an individual, I fit in the category of needing only a few close friends. By close I mean someone I spend face to face time as well. While I hold past relationships in high regard and am so very grateful for the time we had once spent together; I am not the type to sustain an ongoing long distance relationship very well, if at all.

Currently I have no close male friends.

This is not the first, nor the second time I have found myself in this situation. I am not very proactive about finding friends, rather I have allowed life's circumstances to determine whether anyone was near to me.

Hmm.

Before coming to WV, I had a long run where I had a close friend or two for many years straight. This was an highly unusual occurrence. It went on for so long, I believe I mistakenly took it for granted that it would continue.

When I moved here, I halfheartedly assumed I would develop friends by going to meetings. I just thought that if I went enough that relationships would develop. Then I stopped going.

Out here in the country, there are neighbors. There are not many. I enjoy that. Unlike being in the city, there are very few people nearby whose name I know or come in to contact with on a casual basis.

I would presume that people out here have friends. How that dynamic exists is a mystery to me.

Then there is another avenue that could work, if I ever tried it. Sunday-go-to-meeting.

We actually did that for a short time since I have been here. We only went to the one church which, per usual, I had some doctrinal issue with. The Sunday school class was fun and I got to participate, which I loved. But the service was very dead and preaching was something I would rather not comment about.

Anyway, that was our only attempt at church. No friends developed.

What next? Will I ever have a new friend here? Stay tuned.

Life

Life can be so strange. As in, I often have a hard time believing who I am; where I am; where I've been.

In the midst of all that confusion, I have to pinch myself to believe that God allowed me the wonderful joy of being the father of two awesome children. Part of me is able to just feel the happy memories. Part of me bows before God to know that both my children far exceed their father in accomplishments and maturity.

Lately I have felt a new emotion- separation anxiety. My children have built their own lives now. If I had a nest, it would be empty.

I wonder too what it must be like to have me as a father. From the beginning, I tried to explain the world to them. Was that boring? Did it make sense? What made me feel at all qualified? Did anything I did or said actually make any difference? How about the negatives I brought to the table?

Maybe you can tell that I am not feeling very strong these days. While I am often quite arrogant, that part of me is missing lately. So be it. June seems to be for me the occasion for a down cycle most years.

Meanwhile, I really want my children to know how much I love them. You wouldn't think that would be so very hard, but then you are probably not like me (I will not even attempt an explanation of what I mean).

Often words come easily to me. Expressing how I feel about my children is not one of those times. Perhaps there are no words. The thing is just too big and too important and words are just too small a container, like trying to store a mighty river in a sandwich bag. Even what the sandwich bag can hold is no longer much like the original thing.

So all I can do is hope. Hope they know or at least suspect the depth of my love for them. May God grant me that small mercy. It is important that they know.

Maybe it takes the skill of a poet. This is just not a skill I possess. Normally, it is not a skill I even think about. So be it. Perhaps that skill would not help anyway.

Besides, I think I probably knock together some Hallmark-y words, in fact I am sure of it. If I could write them too the level of heaven this would not equal one hug. That is what I am missing, the hugs.

Wishing

How I wish...

what?

There is the popular old story of the genie. It stirs the hearts of everyone apparently to wonder what it would be like to have three wishes fulfilled. What would you choose if anything and everything was on the table except you could not make someone be in love with you?

The genie story was formed so very long ago, yet still is retold and known widely. What does the persistent retelling have to say about human nature?

Um...

In this instance the question is far more fascinating then a dull, limited answer. It is that we as humans are attached emotionally to desires we cannot seem to fulfill. While everyone is an unique individual, we all have this same emotional need to dream of things we cannot have.

So the genie overrides reality and provides the opportunity where anything is not only possible but will happen if you simply ask.

The limiting to three wishes is a stroke of artistic genius. This limit means that so much else I also wish for has to be eliminated. Paring the list down to three is impossible. It is impossible to predict what my words will bring into being. There is an ever present sense that I am forgetting something. There is the instinctive feeling that once I finish, I will wish I had made different choices.

It is just a game that we enjoy playing.

In the midst of all this passionate longing, why do we never seem to choose the status quo?

That is my question.

I hope that is what I would choose.

God has written my life story. I trust He has done it perfectly. I am very sure that I could not have done it better. In fact, I am convinced I would have done a horrible job.

So I should know better than to wish. If I had the ability to control reality, I would create disaster, darkness and chaos. My best intentions would bring about destructive results. Its true. In theory I know that is the way it would be.

Yet. I can kick and complain with the best of us. I want things my way too, all the time. My wish list is fifty odd years long and growing every day. It is not something I can simply stop doing. While my spirit can obtain knowledge and grow and know better than to trust myself, the broken, sinful animal in me wants what it wants. Both of these beings live within me. They wrestle incessantly.

It is not the good Bobby wrestling with the evil Bobby within, rather it is evil in me versus surrender to God's will. The good is not in me. Good is in Him and in Him alone. This is a hard concept for many to accept. In fact, most choose to believe something quite different than this truth. They would argue with Jesus who said, "Only God is good".

I hope I am not spoiling the game for you, wink. Trying to limit wishes to just three is entertaining and probably provides mental relief for many. It is not as if we shall ever get to make them reality. I, for one, do not really want them. The game is safe enough since it is not real, but personally I have always sucked at it. I worry about the down side of any wish I might choose. There is always the hidden, unseen cataclysm lurking behind the choice.

For example, if I did the noble thing and wished for world peace, I just know that would end up bringing untold suffering into the world.

If I did the selfish thing instead and wished for riches, I would bring untold suffering to myself.

Maybe that is the point of the game. To make us recognize our human limitations and vision. Maybe we all are attracted to the story of the genie because it reminds us that wishing is fine as long as it does not become reality. We sense that unlimited control would bring disaster. The relief is that while wishing cannot be contained, at least we do not have to live with the consequence of their fulfillment.


Meanwhile,

Love someone well today (at least try)

Bobby

Mom

You only get one.

I miss mine tremendously. She was my best friend and biggest fan. There was a comfort there that can never be replaced. There is a hole in my mind and emotions that I live with every day.

All that grief aside, I am so thankful for the mother I had. She was always there for me, always with the same obvious love for me radiating warmth through my being.

She gave me life. She kept me safe and warm and healthy. But above all this, she gave me something extra. She thought I was special. Every day. She was interested in me. She watched me and encouraged me, cheered me on and bragged about me. Because of this, I always tried to make her proud by doing my best in anything and everything. I still do, it is who I have become because of her.

Thank you mom!

I am sure God has you near to Him. Your kind of love is dear to His heart.


Love someone well today,

Bobby

Weeds

Look towards God old man. Look towards God woman. Look towards God young man. Look towards God young woman.

In God you will find the tools needed to do right, to build peace; to build joy; to build love.

These are tools of the mind, body and soul. They are free for the asking, free for the taking.

You would hope that once started on building goodness and light; mercy and truth, that all around you others would join in and your solo would become a heavenly choir. Many hands make light work. As a result there would be fruit enough to share in abundance.

However, into this delicious music comes static, a chorus of naysaying. Jesus described it as deliberately planted weeds in your garden. He recommended allowing them to grow until the harvest and then sorting them out to be burned.

The labor of producing something of spiritual value brings happiness initially. Unlike joy, which is eternal, happiness is fleeting.

Happiness comes when we take a moment to focus on the growth our labors have facilitated.

Growth is all around us. As beings created in the image of God, we can choose to make a garden and choose to help certain growth and restrain other, unwanted growth. It means we must labor for the good and labor to destroy the unwanted. It means laboring with a purpose towards a goal. It means being dedicated to the tasks at hand rain or shine, in sickness or health.

As I said, happiness springs from our hearts when we take a moment to focus on the difference we have made in the world. We like this feeling. It motivates us to do more.

It is sometimes rough having to beat back the unwanted. Why do dumb ol' weeds need to exist? Normally we would not even care. Weeds only become a negative when they impact our vision of something special.

As tough as it is to deal with this reality, imagine that an enemy deliberately plants weeds in your garden. Oh the static this causes one's brain! When you invest your time and efforts into creating a vision, you are investing yourself. Anything deliberately killing the vision is an enemy. Killing the enemy is rarely an option. Even when it is, it would bring negative consequences.

Why is there always an enemy to your labors?

It makes you want to give up.

But, we are never to give up. The Bible says, "be not weary in well doing".

We can go on, producing spiritual work, regardless of our feelings.

It would be wonderful if life was naught but happy moments. It would be wonderful if there was never any warfare. We wish for life to be different than reality. We sometime allow these thoughts to think external weeds are our only problem.

Actually, the external weeds are not our problem at all! They really do exist, but we are not responsible for their existence. What the purpose of those nasty weeds might be is not our issue either.

That the battlefield lies within ourselves...

is what we need to acknowledge and accept.

Fight the good fight...

of faith.

Humbly, bless God, and your fellow man, remembering who we truly are and what we are made of and why we needed Christ to die for us. He did not come to save and redeem us because we were such pristine, pretty little perfect, weed free gardens, did He?

We are without excuse and therefore should be without complaint.

Being without complaint could be a great definition for JOY.

I must surrender my imaginary control over all gardens external to my own being. Where I may, perchance, have some limited authority, such authority is totally granted by God through grace. Such authority is more to be translated in the current mind as responsibility. I am granted the power to love, not to abuse, anything and anyone I have authority over.

Meanwhile, I ever and always have my internal garden to tend, amen.


Love someone well today!

Bobby

Why Did You Go?

Jesus said, "It is good for you if I go, for I will send the Spirit of Truth and He will teach you all things".

Wow!

It is true. If Jesus were still on the earth, what are the odds that I would even get to see Him today? The physical limits could be solved by something like a broadcast, but would that satisfy? All my favorite musicians are those whom I was in the same room with. People you have never heard of such as Chris Leggerie,  Joey DeVito, and Monteo Myers. There is so much difference being with someone as opposed to a photo or recording. A broadcast is just a live recording, no?

It is true. There is not one thing I have wanted to learn that I was not taught. I am greedy. I want to know so much about everything.

That the Spirit is everywhere and ever available to teach the willing has made my life so much more beautiful. Simply being willing to learn beats student loans by miles.

Of course, there is no degree at the end. At Spirit University there is no 'end'. There is the down side of not having that sheepskin to show a potential employer, but the upside is that I can climb ever onward and upward. The world holds too many mysteries to ever stop, so why would I?

Once Jesus rose from the dead, he spent some forty days meeting with a chosen few (later, He would appear to Paul which Paul called "being born out of time"). Fully God, fully man, Jesus had conquered the last enemy, death. His followers who witnessed his being alive were changed forever and passed that changed state of believing down through our age.

Jesus was seen to ascend into clouds of judgment. There came a change in the world upon His second coming. The Chosen People became those who believed in Him with the destruction of the Temple in 70 A.D.

This is why we learn- to become more productive. The power of believing in Christ taps into the power of the Spirit and the power of Almighty God. There is no limit to what we can do unless we try to appropriate power for selfish reasons.

How hard is that?

Unfortunately, many do seek power to build their own kingdom.

This causes pain.

There is so much love that goes ungenerated. This is not a word. But looky here what spell check suggested. Sometimes you learn things from unexpected places and at unexpected times!

unregenerate-

not renewed in heart and mind; not reborn in spirit; unrepentant; refusing to believe; skeptical; unconvinced; unconverted; unreconstructed; stubborn; obstinate; not reformed; wicked; profligate; dissolute

degenerate-

to fall below a normal or desirable level in physical, mental, or moral qualities; deteriorate

to diminish in quality

I stole the definitions from dictionary.com and edited them into a summary form. We each know people who fit these descriptions. I was one of these. There is hope for change. All it takes is a miracle.

If we flip these words to their opposite, we get this. To rise above physically, mentally and morally, we must be reborn in spirit, renewed in heart and mind by believing.

That is so nice I will type it twice.

To rise above physically, mentally and morally, we must be reborn in spirit, renewed in heart and mind by believing.

Jesus rose from the dead, that is why this is possible.

Be thankful, fully grateful. Give praise to God, who is love.

Happy Easter!

Love someone well today,

Bobby

Music

I have a guitar again!

It has been years since I had all the pieces in place. I replaced the strings the other day on a flea market guitar we own and voila`, beautiful sounds were in the air.

Maybe you will get to hear it.

There was a point since my sobriety started when I lived with two brothers who were both doctorate level musicians. Chris was also in a group I joined called Back to Basics (attempting to recreate the A.A. meetings from the 1930's. He was primarily a drummer and when he played it literally would stun me.

During that period, I found myself highly influenced by the purity of what they produced. My playing definitely got better. I wanted to play all the time. I was writing songs all the time.

It is strange to look back.

Who I am at any particular moment seems to be so dependent on who is closest to me. Of course, there is some 'core' Bobby that is always there, but there seems to be a part of us that reflects others too.

In the course of my sobriety, there have been times when I have had to reject an individual from my life. Thankfully, such occasions are rare because it is a difficult decision to make. I am guessing that most people cannot or will not ever do such a thing. That is my conclusion based on the reactions I get when I explain why I have had to reject someone.

Gary was the saddest story. We became close friends; he was one of the closest friends I have ever had. Over the course of years I had to witness Gary go back to being a drunk many times. Somehow I kept believing he would make it. Finally, it became something I could no longer handle. I told Gary that he was no longer my friend, nor even an acquaintance. The sorrow I was feeling was dangerous to me as a person.

I think it made me grow. It was not something I would have ever imagined doing. I was always the type to just endure in spite of what it cost me.

Somehow I had learned that I was entitled to be strong, to choose my own influences in life. I cannot help anyone if I am weak. Gary made me weak and the result was that not only I, but others suffered as a result of his being in my life. So it was not selfish of me to reject him. I recognized that I was not helping him. That became clear as time revealed the truth.

Snip.

Addition by subtraction.

I have also learned to be very grateful for those who have a positive impact on me.

I have realized that the Originator deserves all the credit for positive people in my life. It is a trap to believe that I choose who to be in relationship with. It is God, after all, who caused other people to exist and it is God who causes their story and mine to intersect. In other words, I cannot just conjure them up. It is God who is ultimately writing my story. So I am aware and thankful for any blessing He brings my way in the form of certain other people.

So, let me return to the title theme. I find it revealing that in writing this I quickly transitioned to using wisdom to choose relationships in one's life. Each topic is a nearly perfect metaphor for the other.

I become a better musician/ person when I have God-supplied, positive relationships. Rich fullness is added to life/ music when there is harmony. I find that as I give/ create that the right people reflect back to me; the result is that I am a beneficiary of my own giving nature. I make others stronger and better, but the process makes me stronger and better too.

When there is discord, I want to endure it. Everyone suffers as a result. One bad apple can ruin your life/ band. Kicking out the bad member is difficult, but necessary for strength, health and productivity.

Within music itself there are so many variables. Variations are the natural result of being human. Add other people and there is generated an infinity number of variations within an infinite variety of combinations!

When I sing, there has never been anything like it. (ha ha ha). Which instrument I choose makes a difference. My mood makes a difference both in what I might produce at a given moment and in what I feel like hearing at a given moment.

From this chaos sometimes come something beautiful. It is communication at the level of the soul.

In a strange twist, and to complicate things, just because there is harmony produced between two people does not automatically indicate a perfect combination. Life is mysterious indeed.

Like music, life is not definable. It rides on invisible, ever-changing waves. We have tenuous control (if any). We can find immeasurable joy; or we can find peace; or our ears may bleed. Every moment is different and every moment yet to come is filled with unexpected highs or lows or both. In the end, there are memories, the melody lingers on.


Love someone well today,

Bobby

Happy Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Today I start a new job. It is only part time.

There is no set schedule for this position. I am a merchandiser for Acosta which gets contracted by their clients as needed.

It has caused me some reflection on other first days.

Just now it is almost time to go.


Remember.

Love someone well today,

Bobby

Eggs

My son posted on Facebook that he finally succeeded in making fried eggs on a stainless steel pan. Why he was so determined to do it, I dunno. The trick, apparently, is low heat.

My bugaboo has always been trying to poach them. It has been rare that I get to eat a poached egg despite it being a favorite. Apparently I am not the only one who has difficulty in making eggs this way. If it were easy to make, they would be available at many more restaurants.

Eggs are a remarkable thing. They come with their own storage container. Once broken, it cannot be put together again as the King's horses and King's men will tell you freely.

They are also remarkable in that most things that deliver so much nourishment come at a high cost. Eggs, however, while being superior in nutritional value are cheap.


Of course, these points about eggs are from a certain perspective. I am not sure that a hen has a perspective, but if it does, it would see eggs quite differently than a yummy source of cheap protein.

Without eggs there would be no more chickens. It goes without saying that without chickens, there would be no more eggs. There are other types of eggs, of course, but to simplify reading I am using the word egg when technically I mean chicken eggs solely.

Ironically, being so delicious, chickens have no natural defenses. All manner of creatures eat chickens and also their eggs. Stupid bird cannot even fly away! This is ironic because, chickens being so delicious, we humans make sure there are always more to eat. It would have been a great tragedy if all the chickens and eggs were eaten before we humans determined to ensure that there would always be more to eat.

Kim and I do not have any chickens, yet. I am looking forward to the day. Kim says they are cute and fun to be with. The major issue is keeping them from being stolen by hungry vandals.


I am not sure what else to say about eggs, nor do I fully understand why I choose this topic. I wrote the above and some other junk I just deleted. While the day was progressing I was amazed at all the memories that came to me that involved eggs. Also there are SO MANY SAYINGS about eggs! Eggs just might be the common thread to communication between people.

The Path in the Portrait

An individual paints a portrait. It is good. It is at once something new, yet it is in the artist's own image. It contains what the artist has seen with perhaps a hint of what he has dreamed possible. Within the portrait is a path. Where does the path lead? The path is symbolic of the unknowable future.

One is the creator, the other their creation. We can think of these two existing in different dimensions, one obviously higher than the other.

So it is with God and man. We exist because of our Creator. He is fully outside of the dimension in which we live, move and have our being. He even lives outside of time. Think of this as the painter never literally walking along the path within their portrait.

The Bible exists for reasons we can only guess at. Some say that the first five books in their original format are literally the foundation for our world's existence. I can see this as a likelihood. After all, in the beginning was the Word... and the Word became flesh and dwelt among us. Such glimpses into infinite spiritually should cause one to pause in open mouthed wonder.

We cannot know the future. We are told that acting on our desire to discover tomorrow can be the ultimate crime. We are told that borrowing worry from potential onward pathways adds greatly to our sorrows.

The Bible was validated by prophecy. This happened long ago. Only the true living God could have foretold future events in such detail. The people of God experienced it and as a result cherished and protected the Word. Today we live in the fulfillment of ALL the promises. We get to enjoy the fruits.

Unfortunately, some part of us looks back with longing to that other time. We want prophecies to be part of our lives. In this dreamy imagined scenario, we think of ourselves as the prophet, the one in the know. Secret knowledge is something we desire. We ignore the reality that chances are we would be on the outside looking in.

Plus, in doing this we lose the path. Actually, we arrive at the same predetermined destination, but we have lost all the good God placed there for us to find. We walk in darkness and believe it is right. At the end of the day, we feel the weight of negativity that we have brought upon ourselves. Having limited our vision to our desires rather than the gifts, we now have neither.

We each have a path, just for today. It is from the mind of our Creator and He has painted one just for me, just for you. It contains wonders that we can barely understand. God's world is filled with good. Our problem is that we insist on redefining good. We are creatures who have tasted the fruit of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. Now we think we know best about everything. But, we do not.

Only when we stop believing in our interpretation of good can we fully experience the higher good. The good that can only come from a higher place, from a higher being, our Father. There is no excuse for not loving Him fully, with all of our being. Unfortunately, we all have trust issues.

It is never about the other person being good. It is not clever to discover the flaws and even the evil in anyone else. Yet, we pat ourselves on the back for this all too often. Other people are not to be focused upon in this way, never. Yet we are industrious in doing this very thing. We focus on individuals we know; we focus on individuals in the news; we focus on 'stars' of every stripe. Then we pick at their flaws.

How incredibly silly!!!

There is a reason we do this. We want to withhold trust and this process of finding fault becomes our proof set for "No one is worthy of absolute trust".

Well, duh!!!

There is no proof needed for this. The assumption should be that everyone is born under sin. Therefore finding this out about anyone is no revelation at all. It is NOT NEWS!

But there is One who is worthy of every ounce of trust we can manage. If we were capable, we could freely give infinite trust, that is, infinite love to God. Sadly, we get confused.

We find in the portrait something that we wish were different. We believe in our way rather than His. We fool ourselves into believing our way would be best. We wish to be God rather than be thankful for His good truth.

Dern.

"Let go and let God" is a phrase coined by one of the original Alcoholics Anonymous members. It certainly applies here. We first need to know that we need to stop believing in our own definition of what is good. Then we need to believe that CAN stop. Then we need to believe there is Someone who is committed to helping us do it. Then we need to believe there is Someone who will ever and always make this "letting go" worth it. Each day is a new portrait with a new path. If we practice every day to trust God for All good things, then we shall see the result. The result is Love, Peace, Joy, etc.

Do you wonder why the twelve steps have become so famous?

Down the road of those steps is helping others. This too is a key that can unlock doors to allow goodness and light into one's life. God knows, others could use some help. Actually, so do all of us. We each have doctorate in how others are flawed. Either help them or let it go. You are not required to always help everyone, beware of that TRAP, but help someone. Just remember it is not the first step or the second, etc.

Like Jesus says, "First remove the plank from your own eye, then you shall see clearly to remove the speck of sawdust from your fellow traveler's eye". Amen?


(you better) Love someone well today (for your own sake)

Bobby

PS- too preachy? Y/N? Hmm, its Sunday!

Hello to Yellow Brick Road

Kim is starting her blog today. I will post a permanent link soon.

I love my blog. It makes me feel good in so many ways.

For the past two days I have had to postpone publishing posts I started. They deal with the origins of science as we understand the word. One never fleshed itself out. It had a lot of potential for metaphors about life. It had so many potential threads that it could become a whole book. So it sits in my draft pile. The second was a knock on Aristotle. Plain to see that it was boorish.

So there ended up being no post yesterday while on Thursday I at least managed to cobble together something different.

Ironically, one of the scientific themes is about momentum. Writing everyday has become a habit, so far. My past history would suggest a lack of consistency on my part. This is not my first blog, rather, my third. This blog started and stopped a few times in the past. Now it on track on a regular basis. I really hope that you enjoy reading it.

Speaking of enjoyment. There was mention of another blog in the Aristotle post that did not get published. I have a keen interest in presidential elections. When I was eleven years old I began avidly watching speeches and conventions. At fifteen, I was up all night following the returns on the radio, hoping for a miracle turnaround as I pulled for McGovern with a passion. My first vote ever was for Carter and as a result was passionately against Obama. I have seen and heard much.

I am betting most of you do not enjoy impassioned ranting about this stuff. So.

I will start a second blog about the current campaign cycle. This way I will not trouble you by sneaking comments into BabyBeetleButts. Whether you agree with me or not on topics political should not ruin your reading of this blog.

I am finishing this writing and about to be the first to read Kim's first draft. I look forward to it and you should too. Remember to actively and honestly encourage her. She is going through angst, which is a sign of artistry. I can state with passion that she will be worth reading.


LOVE SOMEONE WELL TODAY! (I hope you remembered to do that yesterday without me nagging you?)

Bobby

Hoarding

I must make this public confession, I am a hoarder of alternatives.

I cannot seem to ever do the same thing the same way twice, at least not if any alternative exists.

You just never know when you might need an alternate way to open a can, for example. If you consistently do it the exact same way, what will you do when that method is denied you either temporarily or permanently?

It starts with imagining things, what if there were no electricity, for example. I think part of me is so proud of my God given ability to find solutions to problems that I make problems up. Not just once in a while either, I live in a world that is slightly different from reality. I do not take for granted that what exists is there because tomorrow it may not.

As a child, this state of being sometimes caused me fear. I would traumatize myself by concentrating on something like imagining my house on fire and examining my own emotional reaction.

This practiced behavior also meant that if I loved someone, I tried very hard to experience what it would be like to lose them. Talk about a good time!

Yeesh!

Like any good hoarder there is no greater moment than when life validates my insanity. An example for a physical hoarder might be when there is a sudden great need for a cheap plastic bowl and so they actually get to use one of the hundreds of saved take out bowls (with lids!) that are readily at hand.

For me, life has no greater pleasure than getting to use an alternate method during some 'crisis' or another. It validates all those crazy other methods of doing things that I collect/hoard.

So.

If you have a problem, just ask.

I probably have a solution (or two, or twelve) ready to be given.

Remember, I am primed and ready, just waiting for any problem great or small to present itself. I am more than willing to jump right in and present some of this stored up experience.

Hello? Anyone out there?


Love someone well today (in every way),

Bobby

Surrender

When I was a wee lad, my older brother brought home a record album. He was excited and played it right away on our mono record player. It caused me mental distress and I ran to my room and covered my head with a pillow.

That album was Meet the Beatles!

I have no clear memory of my opinion flip flopping. I do remember how my mom loved Paul's crooning 'Til There Was You.

I wish that phones still had those huge metal rotary disks with big holes for your fingers to fit in. I wish I had a nickle (Kim discovered that I used the archaic spelling, how ironic) for every time I have dialed a cell phone and listened to the silence until I realized you now have to press send.

We just got new house phones. They now make you press send too.

I have heard that CD music disks are a thing of the past. So is email and even personal computers.

Gaming systems now use your body as the controller. Shut my mouth about those incredible graphics.

The world is truly experiencing something different. It is very rare for there to be something new under the sun. But there now is, at least to those of us who remember a different simpler time, if you were born before Google, for example.

Information and communication travel nearly instantly, nearly everywhere, and nearly globally.

Everything from relationships to elections to the toppling of dictators is affected.

Texting has become an addiction. Obama is president. Protesters can rally with one mind.

And, of course, there is BabyBeetleButts!

Vote for Trump!

Don't text and drive!

Vive le difference!


LOVE SOMEONE WELL TODAY! (in person if you can)

Bobby

Discovery

Sometime in my lifetime the tipping point came. Advertising aligned with marketing and 'normal' life became a barrage of lures trying to get me to buy stuff. In this new world one has two choices: one can give in and always be in a state of wanting more, or one can resist and be in a constant state of feeling under attack.

In the midst of living through this, once in a great while there comes along products that are keepers.

One such is the NetiPot. My daughter and I share many physical traits. When she was young, she had breathing problems. When I was young I had breathing problems. She saw an allergist and got treatment. Since I never had, I applied what we learned about her to myself as I reflected on my past. It fit well. I had had the same issues with the same physical causes.

I saw an xray of her nose. Her septum runs in a crooked line. One result of this is a syndrome called post nasal drip. In layman's terms, the pipes get clogged easily and cause backups. Backups cause pressure and annoying feelings up in the sinuses. I have always suffered from this too.

So when my daughter, now an adult, posted that she was told to try nasal irrigation, I did too.

I purchased a NetiPot. It came with a little booklet explaining that for thousands of years, some places in the world have used nasal irrigation daily. Just as we have tooth brushes, they have always had NetiPots.

Think of it as a mini tea pot with a bulb at the end of the spout. There are also tiny packages of stuff you dissolve in the hot water. It makes everything smell like the beach afterward, so it must be salty.

The idea of pouring water into your nose seems unpleasant, before you do it. Actually, it is wonderful. Better yet, it works. For me, it unclogs the pipes. I am not aware of these clogs before I irrigate, but so glad that they are gone. For the first time in my life, my sinuses function correctly during the day. My sense of smell improves dramatically. The uneven pressures inside my sinuses are gone. I has allowed me to experience a different and better state of being.

So, that is one recent discovery. Funny though. I must have missed the commercials for this product.

Another device that has improved my life is the nail brush.

This one came as a Christmas present from Kim. She did not know I wanted one.

I was listening to the John Tesh radio show. If you do not know who John Tesh is, I cannot help you, other than to say he suddenly showed up in the car and says strange things all the time. He is a DJ, he mainly plays records (does one even say "plays records" anymore?). Then he rambles on about different stuff that will make your life better (never heard anything about the NetiPot, but then I may hear less than one percent of his broadcasts)

Anyway, one part of one show one day that I did hear was about our fingernails. They are dirty by nature. Under the nails is particularly dirty because it retains debris. Stuff gets stuck under there and washing your hands does not help get it out.

Some people do not have this dilemma. The area under their fingernails is very clean. This is because they bite their nails! WAIT! Do not start biting them, it is a highly addictive behavior. Weaning yourself off of this behavior will take months of dedicated discipline.

Biting your nails is not recommended.

There is damage done... and pain.

Worse yet, biting your nails causes all manner of other problems. In short, it makes you sick, literally. Primarily, it causes sneezing and sniffling, including colds and even the flu. It can cause stomach problems, up to and including diarrhea or constipation.

Not good.

So. Do we have to live with whole colonies of germs and such under our fingernails?

No, we do not.

On Christmas morning, I got all excited after opening one of my presents. I looked at Kim because I assumed she would be puzzled. It was a grooming kit for nails. Nail clippers being the featured items. But included in the various other odd items was...

... A NAIL BRUSH.

I use it every day.

Working with my hands as I do, I use it multiple times a day. It has never hurt me.

Many times, after washing my hands, I can actually see dirt under my nails. But no more, I have this amazingly wonderful product that quickly and easily eliminates dirt from under my nails.

Funny, I must have missed the commercials for this product too.


LOVE SOMEONE WELL TODAY!!!

Bobby

PS- Thank you Kim for being willing to 'heal' these posts from my mistakes.

Photos of the new garden plot

Beth helped Kim choose flowers and plant them. She also found and planted this awesome flag.

God is a pretty good artist, no?

Snap Dragon

This frog planter and his sibling anchor the east and west corners. It is filled with new topsoil and flowers. The frogs came all the way from Virginia Beach to live with us. It was the least we could do to give them a nice home.

The full view from the southeast. The road in the background is our driveway leading up to the garage. The plot is within an oval as there are two driveway paths on either side. The yellow bush is forsythia, they are in full bloom even so early in the spring. To it's right is a lilac, budding already, though you cannot see it. To it's left is a telephone pole, it never seems to bloom.     Too bad there is no before picture. Where the garden now is there was nothing but grass. That is a pelican in the birdbath. It took traveled here from Virginia Beach. Suggesting it sit in the bird bath was my one artistic contribution. I also filled the water cans and folded the tarps.

Visions

I hope you see things that are not there.

I hope you see things of beauty or things functional or both; things that do not exist, yet.

The Bible states, "without a vision, the people perish". This too is the type of vision that can add value if it is fulfilled in the real world. Not spooky paranoid stuff that can get one hospitalized.

It is my opinion that visions can never be fulfilled unless one finds a partner. Going it alone does not work. I am not sure why this is the case, but I can guess. It takes the whole messy process of agreement and disagreement to keep up momentum. Then too, what you CAN accomplish on your own is not thought of as special; a vision is special. Some visions can be just out of reach; some are seemingly impossible.

The kitchen project here was a vision of Kim's, for example.

The kitchen cabinetry that exists here was obviously the vision of its designers. These cabinets are not store bought, rather the polar opposite. There were walls. Someone nailed up wood strips and covered nearly all the wall space and much of the floor and ceiling space as well. Someone built wooden boxes of all different sizes everywhere. Someone made doors from sheets of wood. Nearly every single door is unique, made to fit over it's non standard size opening. There are also drawers built-in, many of them, each also slightly unique. Much of the wood used contains various defects. Some places, like the drawer bottoms are made of odd materials, what ever was t'hand apparently. One thing is certain, it was a ton of work.

Another unique 'feature' is that the backs of the cabinets are still the walls.

When I moved here, the cabinets were all off white drab. In all the work of the original designers, they left out any finish work. No sanding, for example. If some place needed more support, a piece of wood was nailed where it would be most effective. If something was uneven, or not plumb, or not level, it was 'good enough'. Here and there is the odd board secured just enough to provide function. There were lots of gaps small and large. It was drafty inside. Drafts attract mice and spiders. All that is fixed now.

There are two sections, both are big enough to be classified as small towns. Both are L-shaped, together they nearly make a large square. Inside all this wood is the kitchen proper. There are two ways out. One break in all carpentry is a wall through to the dining room. The other is the door out to the garage. Like I said, someone put a tremendous effort into having 'ENOUGH' storage.

Kim saw them as they could be, beautiful. She saw them in color. She saw them as one of a kind.

We are getting there, together. I am just starting to see them as she has all these years. It is special and worth every ounce of labor, every muttered frustration.

I guess that is why 'worth' and 'value' are related. These oddball cabinets were worth the investment of our resources because the feeling we get looking at them now is so worth it! We are coming to the fulfillment stage of the vision and it is better than either of us saw it becoming. It makes our souls feel warm and fuzzy.

But...

That is not what this post is about, that was just the lead in.

We have a new garden plot. Nothing was there before.

You need to see this. It was another of Kim's visions and its reality is truly beautiful. Somewhere in site is the ability to post pictures. I am going to find it so you can see what we now will see.

Love someone well today! PLEASE?

Bobby

Lord of the Sabbath

It sits among the Ten Commandments. Equal to "MURDER- NOT". God works six days a week, so we are to rest one day a week by keeping it holy as a way of honoring Him. God called it the Sabbath day.

I know, this particular commandment is clear as mud.

You need a doctorate to understand what the Sabbath means to us, or not.

Actually, you need a doctorate to join in the arguments about it.

What day of the week is the Sabbath? Most Christians assume Sunday, but unless you understand ancient Greek you cannot make an argument for this apparently. Some actually use the original, Saturday.

The Jew's of Jesus day had created whole manuscripts devoted to what could be done and what could not be done on their Saturday Sabbath. Jesus verbally set these teachings on fire as trash over and over again!

So what is a believer to actually do? Perhaps wrestling with the issue is enough?

Today is Sunday. When I committed myself to making this blog consistent, I wrote a post every day, including Sunday. Then I felt guilty and did not write last Sunday. Was this false guilt? I still have no idea.

One thing has changed. The site is no longer monetized. Since I no longer can profit, does that change whether I can or cannot write a new post on Sunday? Again, I do not know.

Thank God for grace!

My deadline for the kitchen has passed, yet much is left undone. Do I work on it today, or not? For the longest time I was working on the house seven days a week. Do I need to repent? I can tell you this; working seven days a week means eight, nine, ten, etc. days in a row. Eventually our bodies start to rebel. Without some rest, personal productivity diminishes. If the goal was to get more done; chances are that working seven days will be less productive in the long term.

There seems to be no clear answer, particularly to details. There is no one to ask. Depending on who I asked, the answers would vary. None of these opinions would be substantial enough to bet upon as to rightness. Depending on who I asked, I am confident I could predict the answer. Spiritually, I need to answer this for myself.

All I know is that the issue is nagging me. Each week has a Sunday and with each passing one I wrestle with "what does God want me to do?".

My brother once told me a story of his childhood. The Jewish people in our neighborhood would ask him to come in and turn on the light switch as it got dark on a Friday. This is the official start of the Sabbath for them and simply flipping the switch was considered work. See the absurdities this stuff can bring into being?

Yet...

God did mean SOMETHING. That should not be ignored completely.

Some say that it is enough to think about Him on Sunday in a "special" way. This is mainly fulfilled by going to church. Just my opinion, but going to church was often the hardest work I would do all week. Gathering together was often a blessing. It was as if many lighted torches were united into a huge flame. But why on Sunday? I was supposed to be resting not stressed out about getting somewhere and being surrounded by people.

Church is what we are called as believers, not a building, nor an event.

As a believer I want to do the right thing. My dilemma is that both working and resting seem right.

AND...

On top of all this, what the heck is a week?

A day is a rotation of the planet, a year is once around the sun. Months are tied into moon cycles. But what the heck is a week???

Jesus said, "The Sabbath was made FOR man, not man for the Sabbath". That is the best direction I can find in my soul search. Still not sure what is right today, but I will be thinking about it.

Happy Birthday Tatiana! Bless you.

Love someone well today.

Bobby

Corrections

My bad. Before adding Kim's edits this morning, I pushed the "Publish" button. Her corrections are now included in the online post. Sorry.

OH NO!

We are all going to die!

This should not be news, someday each of us, according to historical precedent, are going to fail to function as viable human life forms.

I have been battling a pain in my stomach for a few months. Being a male, this is in turns, (a) ignored (b) means that I am dying. Basically, it really means, "Mom, my belly hurts!"

The Bible declares that death is an enemy. I think we can all say amen to that. What happens after death is strangely vague and subject to interpretation. Because it is such a personal and dramatic issue, interpretations exist in abundance. There are nearly as many flavors as people. There are those who lead and those who follow vast movements, some within the church, some without, and a huge category for other religions with belief systems such as reincarnation.

Very few deny that there is what we term a soul. I was once one of those. I was a follower of the public school system's teaching that we are naught but animals and death meant the beginning of decay. I look back and understand that I was just a parrot for what I was being taught. Somehow, science, which was founded on the search for better understanding of God, His world and our place in it, became sterile. To be an intellectual was to insist on "proof". Sad really.

Back to my achy belly. My latest favorite interpretation is that Kim's first reaction was correct; it is an ulcer. You see, I will not go to a doctor. Not that I have never been. Actually, I like talking to doctors in general. They are smart and sometimes have impressive knowledge. Problem is, they are OUT THERE and I normally choose to STAY HERE, so it is rare that we meet.

Plus, everything that ever was wrong with me was only because a doctor said so. Otherwise it would not have existed, right? There was a period in my life when I had yearly physicals. First I was extremely healthy. Years later I had warning signs. Years later the pills started. I follow the high blood pressure; hypoglycemic; diabetic model. Really what was wrong was the alcohol consumption. Once sober I was tested again and EVERYTHING was fine. Moderate drinkers are not helped BY the alcohol. It is the fact that they are not alcoholics and that means not diabetic, etc.

I consumed alcohol like air, not moderately. But it was like a allergy sufferer inhaling pollen continuously.

So death will come. And I am rambling.

One important note. The Bible does not support the absurd theory of a rapture. I once believed in that too.

The Bible actually says "world without end".

I cannot stop myself from saying more on this. Looking back I see the destruction caused by the "Christian" belief that we are in the end times. When bad things happened in the world, we cheered. Politically, we rooted and voted for the wrong choices. We made decision based on the fact that the real world matter little. Now that I know better...

I will stop ranting. If you actually WANT the limitless details of this particular rant let me know.

I guess I am not dying, at least not today. After all the goal is 120 years old and in great health. However it is an unfortunate fact that behaviors have consequences. I have eaten lots of Oreo cookies, for example.

In the interest of rambling further, did you know that when trans fats were developed, Oreo cookies were the first marketed result. At least I have not eaten too many Twinkies!

Actually, when I reflect on this long unfocused post, it starts to make sense. Remember when I wrote that there are many interpretations on the after death theme? Well I left out the most important and most used thought we ALL have. It does not have a name though. I will call it, WiggleSquirmLeaveMeAlone, I do not want to think about this, AT ALL.

Love someone well today!!!

(after all, we are not promised tomorrow)

Bobby

Email viewing of this blog

You can get my latest and greatest blog post emailed to you. There is a widget here on site somewhere. I know a few of you already do this.

I am for it. There is one issue, however. It is not always the final draft you get to see. Many pages have been posted and then corrected. There can be rewrites as well as corrections, though rarely. The first 'publication' of the blog post is the one that is emailed. I am thankful that no one gets multiples as I go back, edit and publish a second or third time, but wish that the email version was the last, more polished version.

So.

Now I officially have an editor. She is right here on site. The wonderful and beautiful Kim. Yes, yes, yes, I fully agree with your applause!

Concentration

Concentration can mean two things, both related.

Mainly, I think of a place congested with people. Urban Philadelphia was impacting me so negatively, perhaps it always had since the day of my birth.

I once heard that within a certain radius of miles, Philadelphia has the highest concentration of people in the world. At the time of our founding, the city was the nation's most populous. Its subsequent ranking dropped because of suburbs that were encouraged to swell. Then came urban flight as well. Philadelphia's suburbs are HUGE. Now, the city itself is fifth (I think, the others being NYC; Chicago; LA and Houston), but when the surrounding areas are included, it is still first.

This is where I was born, where I lived an overwhelming amount of my life. In my opinion, it had a fiercely negative impact on me in many ways, on many levels.

I sort of believe that some people thrive in densely crowded spaces. I cannot say that I understand though. For me it was hell. For one, I am an extreme introvert defined as someone who is drained of energy by social interaction. It was difficult, nearly impossible, to find the place and time to fully recharge. Hence, most of my life I slept as much as possible. Many were annoyed by this behavior. I guess that was a complement. They wanted me up and productive.

For an endless infinity of lifetimes (poetic), being trapped in some small part of Philadelphia was all I knew. Other than this was the seeming artificial reality of the seashore vacations we took. Then, at seventeen I spent nine months in Happy Valley, better known as Pennsylvania State University's main campus. It was there that I realized that the park half a block from my home in South Philly was not a sandbox the city had brought dirt to. This is funny and sad. At Penn State I rarely left the dorm. Even the cafeteria was connected indoors.

Then, one year when my children were getting close to old enough for summer camp, we went camping as a family. It was a labor day weekend and this particular camp had a family event to entice parents to send their children the next year. Shane did go the following year and Tatiana later as well.

I LOVED the camp; camping; hiking; fresh air; atmosphere; food; morning smells; wildlife (had enough yet? I have more...). The camp had lots of activities going on. There was an orienteering (this is an actual word) hike, like a marathon treasure hunt. After each event, during breaks, I keep suggesting we DO things. My family at first thought I was joking. After the first couple times playing along and seeing that I was NEVER going to run at of energy, they began making me go play by myself. The entire campsite was a bunch of tired children and groaning adults and ONE GOOFY GUY playing basketball or horseshoes or tether ball by himself.

Lately, back here in the twenty first century, I have been wondering what is 'wrong' with me. I do not seem to WANT to sleep late, for example. Suddenly I see (by the way, please find and treat yourself to the original British video of Black Horse/ Cherry Tree by KT Tunstall. She has no accompaniment except her guitar, a tambourine and foot pedals that record and playback loops she plays live, super ubber cooller) (since that was such a long side track I will start that sentence over, oh, and here- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HYEU91d8ngc).

Suddenly I see that life here with Kim in West Virginia is the camping phenomenon all over again. Cannot wait to get out of bed and get moving.

You should try it!

Love someone well today,

Bobby

Fire

Oh the PAIN.

Ah the PURITY.

I now live in a place that allows open fires right outside. Try that in Philly! In Philly you cannot even have a live chicken without a business license and proof that it constitutes freedom of religion.

With this right comes self imposed responsibility. You need to understand how not to burn stuff you did not intend to, for example. You basically set and follow rules that are more detailed than the outside forces of law and community. Too bad people in general cannot be trusted to live life this way, huh?

When to burn stuff is not entirely your own decision. We have a signboard down at the volunteer fire station. It tells whether open fires pose a low, moderate or high risk. Wind conditions are a factor, as is lack of moisture in the ground. For example, a season of rain making everything grow tremendously, followed by weeks of no rain and lots of sun makes for lots of random kindling.

In 2009, Kim rescued me from urban Philadelphia. The loud cheering for that event still echos. Here on the ranch we had a circle burned into the ground. It was filled with buried debris (thank you spell check!). Stuff that even the hottest fires did not turn to smoke and ash.

It took until last fall to get all the debris into the trash. Mostly of it was stuck in the ground. After I would remove an exposed layer, rain would expose more until finally the last of it was gone.  Kim seeded the area with grass. It is growing nicely this spring and soon you will not be able to find the old burn site.

Not everything went into the trash. There was now and again something of value, for example, coins.

The Bible uses fire as a metaphor for destruction. We use fire here to eliminate the unwanted. Not every unwanted thing goes to be burned, only the chosen qualify. We pay directly for trash pick up and there is a weekly (though generous) limit on the number of bags. Stuff that it is safe to burn gets put into a pile in the garage safe for the elements. Then the time come when it gets burned.

Burning makes life easier all around and is kind of fun. Some things we burn have metal as well, like nails. After the burning, the metal gets to go to the scrap yard for dollars.

The Bible uses fire as a symbol of life's pain. Pain sometimes is the burning away of the unwanted- leaving only that which is of value behind. This process of God's is also copied by humans in refining metals such as gold; it is used to make steel; it is used to make pottery; it is used to make bread.

This pinpoint, controlled destruction is used by God and man to create change with higher purpose. The intended result is something that has more value.

As we walk through fire at times in our lives, we do not like it. We question why it is happening. Many times that which is being destroyed is something we were emotionally attached to. Sadly, most of these open fires in our lives are the consequence of bad choices. There is only destruction with nothing of value as an end result. Pain because we deserve it with nothing of value afterward.

In the midst of pain, we should hope that we are being changed to something of more value. We should look forward with anticipation as a child does to an unopened present under the Xmas tree.

It is the only way, the only process, bread always comes from an oven.

Growth can come through painless means as well- plant good seed, water diligently, reap the benefit. But in order for this process to work, there must be no dross that impedes growth. Flowers rarely grow well, if at all, in debris. For our lives to smell pleasant, God sometimes needs to first burn away the impediments. The impediments can be known by their stench. Once burned, after the smoke has cleared, the stench is gone and new growth can be started leading to unimaginable wonders.

Love someone well today,

Bobby

My Belly Says, "Feed Me".

Most of us have experienced absolute distress. Something we needed to live was in short supply. For example, nearly drowning, the experience of being denied air.

Air is possibly the thing we need the most often. Breathing cannot stop for very long. Our need for water is very short term as well. We need to replenish more often than we think before the negative consequences begin. There is also the need for heat or warmth. Rarely thought about, lack of warmth or too much heat can stress a body quickly.

In this light, food actually is down the list a bit. We can go pretty far without serious damage.

Yet, of all these necessities, food is the one we are seeming ever aware of. We seem to have an strong emotional attachment far beyond its necessity. We "love" food.

There is no major emotion attached to normal breathing. Other than becoming aware of smells either fair or foul, breathing is taken for granted. There is no participation by us unless we choose to hold our breath or hyperventilate. We are in favor of breathing, but rarely vote with our heart.

Warmth can be comfortable. When it is not comfortable, if slightly cold or hot, we attempt (and mainly succeed) in correcting the minor flaw. If it is cold out, we put on a coat. We take for granted that there is a house to protect us, sometimes air conditioned. We are insulated from cold or hot that can maim or kill, so we are not frequently aware of the threat. We like warmth. But not to an orgasmic extent.

Food though...

O, it can be SO PLEASING.

Why did God make this so?

Food has been used by God for so many metaphors it makes the mind numb.

Some random examples.

"If you don't work, you don't eat..."

[side comment: It is my firm opinion that this is NOT a hammer to beat others with. It is a metaphor meant to be clear from life. Food does not just happen.]

Be careful who you share your table with.

Do not take food from superiors, you will be sorry later.

Jesus broke the loaves and fishes.

The last supper is a sacrament.

That which goes into the body is not unclean for it is eliminated, that which comes out of the body (speech)  can be unclean.

Then, when you include all the metaphors taken from farming and animal husbandry and hunting (consumables), the list grows to nearly encompass all spirituality. The Bible is nearly all about FOOD.

So.

Eating is important. Eating can be fun.

Do it!

Love someone well today.

Bobby

Choose the Form of Your Destructor!

Ghostbusters.

In the movie, Dan Aykroyd choose the Stay Puffed marshmallow man.

Life is not so comical.

Addictions come in all flavors. Addition can be defined as "loving" anything that hurts others. This thing comes first in the heart of the addict. Love is in quotes because, while it communicates the correct idea; addictions are actually driven by the polar opposite emotion, fear. More to the point fear of not being God (original sin).

Outside of alcohol and drugs, examples like sex, money and food are fairly well known, but the list is as vast and varied as humankind itself. The addition does take a form, but at its core, all forms are destructors. They are destructive of LOVE!

Also, it is my opinion that we do not choose at all. Each of us has strengths and weaknesses. We are born this way or that way. We each are hard wired to fall into favored sin as well. We do not choose the form of our destructor, we are born with a certain form.

Within each form or category, groups of people gravitate towards one another to comfort each another. This enables us to carry on by lessening any annoying guilt.

This is our theme: "my sin is not as bad as their sin".

Well, of course not. (Sarcasm)

The Bible declares that "whoever is guilty of one sin, is guilty of all" for a very good reason. Any sin is the destruction of love. Therefore, any sin, by destroying love, is equally bad in spiritual reality.

Yet, it is common to witness defense of addictions. Defending one's addiction can only be accomplished by putting other groups beneath us. Hence, we use denial, justification, rationalization, etc. to explain that everything is just fine. Meanwhile, those of our particular group say amen. Those "other people" just do not understand.

People are type caste. Just like some are tall, some are greedy. Just like some are born blind, some are born murderous. Just like some have brown hair, some are lustful.

Thank God. Sort of.

At least everyone does not have every type of sin built into themselves. What a wonderful world THAT would be. At least there is some negativity broadcast about each sin, albeit from those who suffer from something different.

So the lustful think they are better than the greedy, and the greedy proclaim themselves better than the murderous, and the murderous believe the lustful are the scum of the earth, etc.- around in a chaotic circle of self appeasement. At least one is part of a group that is not as bad as THAT group!

Meanwhile, the true problem lies untouched and invisible. Love is destroyed. At least, this is the normal course of lives everywhere. Some stories seem more dramatic on the surface, but anywhere and anytime love is destroyed there is extreme tragedy.

Sigh.

However...

But...

... it CAN happen (on rare occasion admittedly), that this pattern is broken.

All It takes is a miracle. But miracles can and do happen. The alcoholic gets and stays sober, so to speak.

The "destructor" can be vanquished and love, like living water, can flow. It can. Yes, it can.

Can i get an Amen?

LOVE SOMEONE WELL TODAY!

Bobby

The Wind

God has far and away created the greatest set of metaphors in the universe.

 I mean, of course, the real God, the one who created everything and sustains it. Not those other make believe pretenders.

You really should read the whole Bible. But I digress. Of course, you should also watch Peter Sellers in the movie Being There. Chance for president!!!

The wind is sometimes part of the classic elements, sometimes not. Most often it is included with air I suppose.

Air IS essential . The wind is its voice. Just as in the Trinity, the Spirit is the voice, the Word in action across time and place.

So. Pay attention to the wind in real life as well. It has meaning, always. Heighten your awareness of it and you will learn to understand.

Having lived until recently in urban settings, I did not understand the wind as well as now. This house is detached. In fact, it is at the highest point of ten acres. The wind has free play all around us without restraint. This is stressful for the exterior of the house, but ABSOLUTELY WONDERFUL for my soul. 'Tis!

The wind tells stories. The wind gives glimpses into the future. The wind can show me how to be most productive today, if I tune in. Total stillness counts, it is just a lack of breeze. Of course, most people will fight against the wind like a salmon fighting upstream. That salmon has a mission too, but the constant pounding weakens it continuously until, once it is finish producing the next generation, it dies of exhaustion. In the same way, be cautious as to WHY you fight against what today is about.

Speaking of tunes.

Music is wind, the outward manifestation of song.

I just discovered that not everyone ALWAYS has music in their head. I do. Kinda assumed it was normal. Stop laughing.

Now I wonder if I am in the minority. Or even rare.

Dunno.

Wish you could all tell me somehow...

HEY! There is a comments feature. Y'all can not only talk to me though it, but to each other. Dern!


So, go ahead and do that, k? Just after you click one of the ads, of course. I get paid that way and revenues are down lately.

The question of interest is, "Do you hear music in your head? Always or just sometimes or never or what?

Love Someone Well Today,

DO IT!

Bobby

A State of War...

... now exists between me and our kitchen!

The self imposed deadline for completion was March 25. This was because the wallpaper for the bathroom was due on Monday the 28th. That Friday was when the kitchen would be fully cleaned and the mess would be gone. Instead... a week later, the mess has grown to monstrous proportions. Sorry Kim! Can someone say, "obstacle coffee making"? I knew you could.

Delays; unexpected plumbing projects; three trips to Lowes, two for screws; etc. and the days just seem to fly off the calendar in spite of working long hours every, single day. There is also, of course, costs overruns (Sorry Kim!).

Yesterday, on my daily screw run, I stopped at Lowes service desk to ask about our late arriving wallpaper. It is late because it is back ordered. It will be weeks before we see it.

And today there will be yet another unplanned delay as I drive to Martinsburg to pick up the flooring that is a month EARLY.

How is it that we humans consistently are so optimistic in our plans and expectations?

I can remember fully believing in the deadline. Truly. Yet looking back now, it seems as if that belief was a special category of insanity.

Does this insanity have a name?

I hate leaving the task of naming it to y'all, but I have screws calling me from the kitchen.

Love someone well today!

Bobby

The Last Enemy

If death is not all powerful as it appears (no one gets out alive), then the true reality of living cannot be based on physical being.

If you discount the spiritual entirely, then eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow we die.

What strange beings we are, to be able to wrestle with these questions!

People think it odd that my goal is to live to one hundred and twenty and still be strong and healthy (like Moses).

I have not made up this goal, it comes from spiritual knowledge.

This is what I think I have found.

I gain food and warmth and joy, but only as fruits, not because I pursue them.

Life is all about sacrifice for others. This must be balanced by wisdom. The needs outside oneself are too great, the nature of others is to take advantage of you regardless of harm caused, these two make it absolutely necessary that you 'spend' yourself wisely. But, these cannot become an excuse for not spending yourself. Finding that balance requires a daily dose of wisdom.

What is death? What is life?

Please do not think I know. I tend to present my opinions as facts. But that is not my intent. My intent is to raise the issues by telling my thoughts. What I believe. What I see and how.

From my perspective: selfishness; being self-centered; greed; lust, etc. all stem from underlying fear and denial. As they say in A.A., hurt people hurt people.

Meanwhile, every day brings new challenges, some filled with life and energy, some filled with the opposite.

God help us all. God bless those who help. We can be His hands, we should be His hands.

Love someone well today!

Bobby

Nixon?

President Obama SO reminded me of Nixon last night during his speech to the nation about our actions in and towards Libya.

This opinion of mine is purely emotional. I was only twelve years old when Nixon was sworn in. He also addressed the nation about involving U.S. forces in foreign lands for the good of the oppressed people there.

Having watched last night's speech, I went to bed. All night long I had NPR on as I slept. I imagine that my brain was processing my feelings. When I woke up that is what my brain said to me, "Nixon". I have no idea what it means.

I am just old enough to have been too young for Woodstock. People my age walked as younger siblings to all that dynamic social upheaval and change. We listened to their music, for example. Janis; Jimmy;; Carlos, etc. and the Rolling Stones. Above everyone, the Beatles. We were not even teenagers when the Beatles broke up.

And there was Nixon, and Vietnam, and Nixon's promise to end the war. The war was over just as we turned eighteen. Everyone slightly older than us had to be terrorized by the possibility of the draft. That was in itself traumatic. Worse trauma awaited those who were shipped into the jungle. Thank God there has been no draft since!

Today, issues seem so large. I wonder what impact they are having on children. As we age, we recognize that there is nothing new under the sun, that there has never been a person who did not grow up in context with major events.

Yet there will ever be in each of our hearts the impression we first had as social awareness awakened. That there was evil about in the world. That death was actually caused on purpose. That peace was rare.

I guess that is what I was channeling this morning, that time in my life. When I realized that life was not just baseball and school and making "Man on the Street" recordings with my brother. The end of innocence.

Bobby

Yowl!!!

Well over four hundred screws, tiny screws, slotted not Phillips-head...

Covered with layers petrified paint.

Removed by hand.

If you feel my pain shout "Yowl".

I said, If You Feel My Pain Shout, "Yowl."

IF YOU FEEL MY PAIN SHOUT YOWL!!!

Then sing along- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=njG7p6CSbCU

Love someone well today,

Bobby

Blessed are...

... the meek.

For they shall inherit the earth.

Thanks Dad!

People, people who kill people..., groups who kill people..., nations who kill people.

Shall NOT inherit the earth.

The individual soldiers are exempt, the Bible tells me so.

Peace.

Bobby

The writer Takes His Pen...

The artist takes the stage...

The dynamic is bizarre. Compelled to create, like a boy imitating his Father, the artist now needs an audience. Herein lies a great fear that causes torment. Craving another's validation requires some form of presenting of the work once the work is finished. But what will someone else think, say, do?

It is not as if the artist can clock out at the end of their shift and leave the job behind both physically and mentally. The WORK is part of them.

But in another sense, the WORK is seen by the artist objectively, as if totally alien and outside themselves. The artist likes the work the same as if someone else had produced it. It certainly explains the feeling during the process of creation called inspiration. Spirit breathed from outside, the work begs to be created.

But, until a certain moment, the artist is the only one that has seen it; heard it; felt it; smelt it; tasted it.

What will someone else think of it? What will their reaction be to it?

It hurts that there might be rejection, or worse. A generic "that's nice" can tear deep wounds that leave scars.

So the risk is too much, yet...

The artist knows that the creation is not normal. It must mean something. The process that brought about the creation was too vivid. It prodded him to completion. Once the work was complete, the driving muse seemed satisfied, at least for now.

So, risk not withstanding, the work must be shown to someone else.

Be gentle with these dear artistic souls.

Unless, of course they suck!

Love someone well today,

Bobby