Music

I have a guitar again!

It has been years since I had all the pieces in place. I replaced the strings the other day on a flea market guitar we own and voila`, beautiful sounds were in the air.

Maybe you will get to hear it.

There was a point since my sobriety started when I lived with two brothers who were both doctorate level musicians. Chris was also in a group I joined called Back to Basics (attempting to recreate the A.A. meetings from the 1930's. He was primarily a drummer and when he played it literally would stun me.

During that period, I found myself highly influenced by the purity of what they produced. My playing definitely got better. I wanted to play all the time. I was writing songs all the time.

It is strange to look back.

Who I am at any particular moment seems to be so dependent on who is closest to me. Of course, there is some 'core' Bobby that is always there, but there seems to be a part of us that reflects others too.

In the course of my sobriety, there have been times when I have had to reject an individual from my life. Thankfully, such occasions are rare because it is a difficult decision to make. I am guessing that most people cannot or will not ever do such a thing. That is my conclusion based on the reactions I get when I explain why I have had to reject someone.

Gary was the saddest story. We became close friends; he was one of the closest friends I have ever had. Over the course of years I had to witness Gary go back to being a drunk many times. Somehow I kept believing he would make it. Finally, it became something I could no longer handle. I told Gary that he was no longer my friend, nor even an acquaintance. The sorrow I was feeling was dangerous to me as a person.

I think it made me grow. It was not something I would have ever imagined doing. I was always the type to just endure in spite of what it cost me.

Somehow I had learned that I was entitled to be strong, to choose my own influences in life. I cannot help anyone if I am weak. Gary made me weak and the result was that not only I, but others suffered as a result of his being in my life. So it was not selfish of me to reject him. I recognized that I was not helping him. That became clear as time revealed the truth.

Snip.

Addition by subtraction.

I have also learned to be very grateful for those who have a positive impact on me.

I have realized that the Originator deserves all the credit for positive people in my life. It is a trap to believe that I choose who to be in relationship with. It is God, after all, who caused other people to exist and it is God who causes their story and mine to intersect. In other words, I cannot just conjure them up. It is God who is ultimately writing my story. So I am aware and thankful for any blessing He brings my way in the form of certain other people.

So, let me return to the title theme. I find it revealing that in writing this I quickly transitioned to using wisdom to choose relationships in one's life. Each topic is a nearly perfect metaphor for the other.

I become a better musician/ person when I have God-supplied, positive relationships. Rich fullness is added to life/ music when there is harmony. I find that as I give/ create that the right people reflect back to me; the result is that I am a beneficiary of my own giving nature. I make others stronger and better, but the process makes me stronger and better too.

When there is discord, I want to endure it. Everyone suffers as a result. One bad apple can ruin your life/ band. Kicking out the bad member is difficult, but necessary for strength, health and productivity.

Within music itself there are so many variables. Variations are the natural result of being human. Add other people and there is generated an infinity number of variations within an infinite variety of combinations!

When I sing, there has never been anything like it. (ha ha ha). Which instrument I choose makes a difference. My mood makes a difference both in what I might produce at a given moment and in what I feel like hearing at a given moment.

From this chaos sometimes come something beautiful. It is communication at the level of the soul.

In a strange twist, and to complicate things, just because there is harmony produced between two people does not automatically indicate a perfect combination. Life is mysterious indeed.

Like music, life is not definable. It rides on invisible, ever-changing waves. We have tenuous control (if any). We can find immeasurable joy; or we can find peace; or our ears may bleed. Every moment is different and every moment yet to come is filled with unexpected highs or lows or both. In the end, there are memories, the melody lingers on.


Love someone well today,

Bobby